Darkness
I am 53 years old and I can honestly say that I have led a
rich and full life. I think most people
would say that at 80 or 90, but me… I have to say it at 53. I seen so many wonders in my life, but I’ve also seen horrors. I seen the birth of my 3 children and the
death of another. I’ve seen the death of
a loved one and the pain encased in a person’s eyes. I’ve seen a movie, Broadway play and my
children’s plays, music performances and dance recitals. I’ve seen a child speak in church to the
President of the United States on his inaugural speech. I’ve traveled far and wide, from the peaks of
a mountain to the depth of the sea.
Mountains, rivers, lakes and oceans.
Clouds, rain and snow. Rainbows,
sunrises and sunsets. I’ve witnessed the
cruelty of man, the loss of the homeless.
I’ve seen skyscrapers to shacks tucked away.
I’ve seen the joy in my child’s eye when they have had their
first or last child. I’ve seen
happiness, laughter and hate. I’ve seen
the look on my mother’s face when she saw her first born for the first
time. I’ve seen the beauty in a quilt to
the smile on my child’s face. I’ve seen
8-track tapes to iPhones. I’ve seen
black and white to the rich, deep blue pacific sea. I’ve seen animals of all types and people of
all races. I’ve seen betrayal and
love. Horror and pain.
I can read music, to the Bible to my favorite romance
author. I’ve read poems, novels and
essays. I’ve been on dirt roads to 7
lanes of highway. I’ve seen a mountain
explode to the anger in a person’s soul.
I’ve slept on a cot, sleeping bag and a luxurious feather bed. I’ve seen the look on a doctor’s face when
they have bad news to tell, to the look on a doctor’s face when they tell you
you’re a Mother for the first time. I’ve
seen marriage, divorce, birth and death.
To me, the greatest thing I’ve ever seen is the birth of my
child. There school report, the look on
their face when they passed their driving test.
I’ve seen joy in their eyes, as well as pain. I’ve seen them become parents as well as bury
their own flesh and blood. I’ve seen tears
of joy and tears of pain. I’ve seen them get married and watched them march in
parades. To witness their high school
graduation, when I never achieved that much was a sight I’ll never forget. To see my Son become a Marine to my daughter
singing to her own tune.
I’ve had to endure my child’s hospital trauma to the
hopelessness of a young child’s face. I’ve
seen my child break a bone to get stitches in their head. I’ve seen car accidents to poison oak. I’ve seen the destruction of a flood to a
flood of tears. I’ve lived in a trailer
to a mansion set on a hill. I’ve seen
all types of transportation to the look of my first drivers license. I’ve seen girlfriends and my first love, all
share with me there tears, wishes and dreams.
I’ve seen movie stars to a humble soul playing on the side
of the street. I’ve seen inside a
courtroom as well as a jail cell. I’ve
seen all colors of the rainbow to the trail of Angels streaming from the
sky. I’ve seen the love in my granddaughter’s
eyes to the strength in my son’s. I’ve
seen love displayed in so many ways, but I’ve also seen hate demonstrated by
those very same people.
Yes, I’ve seen many wonderful and marvelous things. I live in the best country in the world. There is much I haven’t seen, so many things
I wish I could, but life and truth keep teaching me to walk the line. God is great and wonderful because he’s given
us just not sight, but ears to hear. A nose
to smell the fragrance of the deep red rose. Fingers to touch and feel the thorns
of that very same rose. Feet to feel the
aches and pains to the feel of the gritty sand on the beach. Your ears to hear the orchestra play your
favorite symphony to the sound of your child playing the violin. A nose to smell a dirty diaper to smelling
the fresh salt air.
To taste the slimy feel of fish on your tongue to the taste
of lemonade. The joy you feel when
tasting chocolate to the disgust you taste when the sky rains ash. The feel of a baby’s soft skin, to the cold…hard
feel of the death of someone you love.
The sound of the ocean to the sound of a rock ‘n roll concert. The laughter of your child to the sound of
there tears. The soft misting of rain of
the Pacific Northwest, to the sound of thunder in the east. The sound of the earth quake below you to the
sound of birds in the sky.
Yep, 53 years has been a wondrous, marvelous thing. I wouldn’t change anything for a moment. I wouldn’t change the people that have walked
in and out of my life and those that have stayed. I wouldn’t change the blessing of my 5
senses, even on the brink of losing my sight.
There are somethings that God can only answer, and the answers are
waiting beyond the clouds. My answers
aren’t clear, nor can be explained so I just must remain still, quiet and
wait.
Meanwhile, I am left with 4 miraculous senses that only God
can describe. My sight is fading and no
answers as to why. Every test and doctor
have been seen or done and no answer is in sight. My life has taken a different course than
what I destined it to be. My sight will
have to sustain me when the darkness stays the rest of the day. The things I’ve seen and witnessed will have
to be enough to say, “I know why!”
My days are filled with anger and pain, while soft pillows
caress my head. I’ll still be able to
hear the chorus, I’ll feel the rain on my face.
I’ll be able to taste fresh, clear water and the buttery taste of movie
theater popcorn. I’ll have challenges,
trials to go through, BUT my life won’t be over just a different path than what
I imagined. I may be down today, but I’ll
find the joy in my life yet again. I won’t
be able to see so many things, but the things I HAVE seen have been
enough. I won’t need to see the smile on
my grandson’s face because I’ve seen it so many times. I won’t need to see the sunrise as I’ve seen
it from a mountain high.
I won’t need to see snow as I’ve seen blizzards come down
from the sky. I won’t need to see the newest
movie released because I can hear it crystal clear. I won’t need to see babies being born,
because I can hear their sweet beautiful cry.
Lastly, I won’t need to see God because he surrounds me more
and more each day. He gives me strength
and encouragement, to faith in the unknown skies. In the darkness that surrounds me, the light
is as bright as the noon day sun. The
darkness has become my friend, my greatest desire from the pain from
within. The deep, penetrating pain from behind
my eyes will eventually be replaced by the light from within my own soul.
If you are in darkness, whether physical or emotional I pray
you find the light that guides you through life’s stormy trials. I pray you’re able to see your own strength
and pride in your child’s eyes. I pray
that you’ll be able to feel the love you need to carry you on your way. The love that will sustain you even in your darkest
of days. May you know the joy through
the bitterness and pain. May you only
see good…. instead of hate.
Life is a merry-go-round of ups and downs we go. Singing life’s chorus melody and playing its
harmonious song. It’s a circle…. full of
color, hopes and dreams. It goes up and
down and round and round. The circle
never breaks the eternal code of things. It continually repeats and never
stops. It has many lessons to teach us
and we may not learn them all, but what we must come to learn is the language
of love.
For, if you’ve never learned that…you’ve haven’t lived at
all.
