WELCOME TO THE COUCH!

This blog is really a journey, a journey of my past, present and future.  Daily questions that run through my mind, answered here; I hope.  

My battle with Bi-Polar 1, PTSD, Borderline Personality and Dissociative Disorder.   Combine them all together makes me sound like a crazy person, but I'm not.  I join millions of others who suffer from these sort of things, plus those with Anorexia and Bulimia; both I really know nothing about.  

I believe I've had these illnesses since I was a teenager in high school, but was really diagnosed properly in September 2002.   I've spent over 15 years On The Couch of some great therapists/psychiatrists and some not so great.  I joke that I could be a counselor myself with as much as I've gone, but I still struggle with this battle daily, but doesn't mean I am not a valuable person of worth and doesn't mean I can't function.

All of the above disorders that I have can be very overwhelming at times, debilitating at it's worse.  I've had suicide attempts,  cutting and taken overdoses of medication to sleep the day away to get rid of the pain.  My other health issues certainly don't help these disorders.

Mental Health has such a stigma attached to it, but it is getting better and I'm thankful for that.  It's like if you have diabetes, cancer or any other medical ailment that plagues your body and mind day in and day out.  Same with mental health.  I use to say that "I WAS Bi-Polar", until I saw a very wise counselor that I loved, who taught me that Bi-Polar doesn't define who I am as a person, so I now say "I HAVE Bi-polar" .  This truly turned my thought process around and healed a lot of damage that simple word "WAS" made in my life.  When I learned that my mental health didn't define me as a person, I was just about healed just from that simple change of words.  

They say that journal, diary and other type of writing is best for the soul, even if you don't have a mental health illness, especially multiple ones.  It gets it out of your head and sends it out into the universe for it to do with it as it will.  I've had the Cognitive Therapy, DBT therapy and I'm now just entering Trauma Conversion Therapy, which is a revolutionary new treatment for people like me.  It's success rate is remarkable.

I believe that mental health illnesses became more noticeable with the notorious and famous, much beloved actor, Robin Williams killed himself.  This put this illness on the forefront of peoples minds and even as sad as it was, it changed a lot of things in this realm.  I personally was thankful for that, not that he passed away, but that it taught a lot about the disease and MADE people realize that this is a true, debilitating and destructive disorder, one that is completely made under control and people with these type of disorders can and will once again be able to function in society like everyone else.  

The national statistic proves that every 1 in 4 people suffer from some kind of mental health illness, that is staggering when you think about how many people are in the world.  This blog isn't me cramming down statistics and always talking about mental health, it's my life story, how I deal with it and how my family ignores it and treats me differently because of it.  The painful past, present and hope for the future.    

I hope you will come to "My Couch" often and share your own stories and maybe learn from mine and in turn help you to be happier in your life, because at the moment I'm not happy in mine.  This is my hope and prayer that through these posts I will find the peace and comfort I'm looking for and even if no one reads it, I'm OK with that, because it's my therapy to send my troubles and painful past out into the universe so it gets out of my head and help me to proceed to a happier me.  

I've made so many mistakes in my life and I've hurt so many people, people I love deeply, so I pray that my time On The Couch will be beneficial to me and hopefully to someone else.  

Welcome To The Couch!

Debbie